Halt! Earthing!--------------

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal (1 Cor13:1)

Years and years ago, I was a clanging symbol...a gong....echoing off the tender hearts,who eventually walled up and retreated from my "godly" countenance.

I would harp about smoking, drinking, the foul language, violence around me...rally about with my fist held high making sure I took on anyone who was in sin and I tried to convert them.  Everyone, was a mission field to me..and I was above reproach because I was a "child of God"...untouchable...holy and sanctified...bleh hemm...yada yada.....

It is when you have been humbled, brought down...called out and allowed to fall by the Lord, that you realize your humanity. For me, there were many seasons in my life that brought me to my knees...none of which hurt worse than my divorce,and the hurt surrounding it from supposed christian people, yet, in God's great love and wisdom...He allowed me to see beyond the plank in my eye...outside the four walls of church and legalism, there exists a whole world of real people, to connect with and love...

All I have to do, is be me...regardless...and walk with Him regardless. That is all God wants us to do anyway...isn't it?

Can you hear me now?

Conspiracy theories...everyone has one....whether you are religious or not. Some hold the Bible's book of Revelation to be a literal and symbolic forcast of this world's events...Some people have written commentaries based on their perceptions of the Bible...straining out facts, analyzing embedded meaning and speculation the meaning of what the Book of Revelation means.

Still others,have gone way out and based near "schizoid assumptions" about what will happen and is occuring in today's society, that lays the ground work for the world's end, the anti Christ, world famine, plagues, disasters and the eventual face off between good and evil...

Science has it's own solution for how the world could end...whether it be thru a global warming, green house gas anamoly, meteors, lifecycle interruption thru the extinction of certain species in the planet...

Everyone has some sort of belief in the end of the world, so...

What is yours? Why do you believe it? How much does it concern you?

Nothing. That was the sound coming from the fetal heart monitor...It was third attempt to find the heartbeat of my baby boy.
The doctor blinked hard as she put the monitor down and said, "well now that we are sufficently nervous, lets go over and get an ultrasound."
I was 38 weeks along and as I laid on the table, the young intern could not look me in my eye as she began to search for my baby's heart beat.
She called for a senior doctor to come in, and it only tooks moments for him to order me to go to the hospital.
He reappeared with some paperwork and put his hand on my back he consoled," I am not sure what is happening honey, but the hospital is better equipped and we'll call ahead to let them know you are on your way."
Tears and inner turmoil began to well as I got into my car and drove 12 miles south to the hospital...the whole time I drove I was crying out,"oh God, please....not my baby...please please...not my boy.."
I sat there in the lot, unable to pry myself from the wheel of my car. I had tried calling my husband, but he was getting my other car fixed. I was alone...I didn't want to go thru this alone...As I stepped out of the vehicle, I felt the familuar presence of the Lord upon me and i heard him whisper to my soul,"you are not alone, I will be walking with you..."
I scarce could contain my inner pain as I entered the cold exam room and laid there as three doctors examined the ultra sound...they murmered and whispered amongst themselves as they watched with a stoic stare, what was on the screen.
Most all left as my husband had arrived, and one remained behind to share the grave news,"I am sorry, your baby has died..probably three days ago."
I cried and reeled as the reality started sinking in, the life within me, that I had bonded with, was gone.
Many hours of agony followed, as the pains of induced childbirth mixed with the inner torment of losing my only child lingered in my heart...
By morning, the time had come and as I was hoping with each push, that maybe..just maybe...he would be born alive..that I would hear that precious cry..
And as my last push gave way to my child's arrival, I stopped breathing..to listen...and it was as if all of heaven was listening too...there was nothing.
Emotions flooded me as they removed my son, for I couldn't bare to look upon his face. I wanted the pain to end...
Moments after the nurse left me to my mourning, the pastor of a church we had long left long ago, walked in with his bible.
I glanced over as he made his way to my bedside and he said, "I hope you don't mind, I got a call from your friends...I am sorry."
I didn't speak, only nodded as I stared at the ceiling...What he did then, was unthinkable...It would be a pivotal moment in my life and he had the courage to say the incredible....
"Did you hold your baby?"....My lips trembled and shook my head, turning away from him I uttered," I don't want to see him...I can't."
He said,"You need to hold him....." "No!" I recanted...
"Every baby deserves to be held by his mother...."he said gently and placed his aged hand upon my shoulder...
I could barely see through the blur of my tears as he walked across the room and beckoned the nurse to bring him in.
The minister stood at the door and held him, "Oh, how precious...sweet little boy.." He carefully carried the bundled infant with tears in his eyes over to where I laid...
"Your son..."he whispered...
I reached out and took him and for the first time looked into the face of my precious first born son...tears and sighs gave way to sorrow that was shared by the whole room...even the staff at the room door.
I sobbed and lamented over him as I cradled my lifeless child...then I told him as I kissed his little face,"I love you bubby...I am so sorry...you are beautiful...so beautiful to me.."
As my time to say good bye drew to a close, I looked at the minister, who was about to leave with out a word..and said,"thank you...for the courage to do what you did..."
He smiled and looked down as he said,"he will never leave or forsake you."
And with parting, and promises to check in with us, he left.
God's spirit never left.
In the week ahead, there was much agony to face in taking down Nathanial's room, his crib and toys...but a letter came to me, from an old lady in the church, we once attended long ago.
It was an excerpt of a poem that simply said,
"the one rose bush next my gardenwall, I tended long and hard...then one moment I awoke to find my blossom gone...as I searched for reasons why, my rose was not gone,it just bloomed on the otherside."
I looked out the window as the Lord spoke to me, "your son is not gone, he just was born with me."
Now I look upon rose bushes, each blossom and remember the love God showed me, in helping me heal, and realize that my son is blooming in all His glory...over on the other side.
God is faithful....one day, I will see my boy again.

My greatest hardships, I never walked thru alone...God was and is faithful to hold my hand and show me a glimpse into a bigger plan He has for me. I hurt so deeply, that God would allow me to go thru this tragic loss and suffer all the pain, I was angry and God wasn't afraid of my honesty thru it all...But in His great love, He showed me time and time again that overcoming this loss, allow Him to mold me and use the pain I endured to grow....it would be for His glory and my ability to see other human hearts in ways I could have never identified with later on...I learned, it is okay to hurt, be angry...as long as we try to trust God and allow Him to show us, grow us......

It would be years and years later, that I would sit in a hospital room with a friend, comforting her with a song God laid upon my heart and the tender understanding it takes to support one who loses a child.....

I would play this song at a funeral of this beautiful boy and this song fills my heart, everytime I hear about a parent who loses their child...at any age...

God is faithful, He has a plan...and the One who is holding you...is holding us all.

~

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I Know Who Holds You  (copyright) 2006

So long awaiting the very first sunrise...all the memories are stirring inside..

But I'm surrounded by love I've always known

Wonder what I'm feeling? Let me tell you something..

Don't cry for me, my family...I know Who holds you

His arms are strong, His love endures...the tears that fall

I know he sees them all..

I know Who holds you and He's wanting you to see,

that the One who's holding you, is holding me.

So long awaiting, until we hold His hand

For all eternity..He'll give you strength to stand

I went to glory in an instant, joy to joy everlasting

I know you're missing me, but believe me..I'm free...

Don't cry for me, my family...I know Who holds you

His arms are strong, His love endures...the tears that fall

I know he sees them all..

I know Who holds you and He's wanting you to see,

that the One who's holding you, is holding me...

I know who holds you and He's wanting you to see,

that the One who's holding you is holding me.

Yes, folks, May1st world reknown speaker Terry Wolfe, a well studied theologian is coming to Seventh Day Advent Church in KC to showcase the WORLD'S END EVENTS!
You can endulge in such false prophetic teachings like:
When prophetic powers collide
Stars Wars Live- A world in crisis
Prophecies and the Great Tsunami
Iraq and Egypt-Prophetic omens!
Prophecies! The death angel!
Time and time again, detailing the bible, carefully woven into the speculation of self proclaimed modern day prophets!  Give me a break! What tripe.

Oh, but what can we expect....the bible said in the end times said there would be things like this right??
Get this- Seventh Day Adventist believe in essence:
There is a  Remnant and has a mission:
The universal church is made up of all who believe in Christ, but in the last days, in a time of apostasy, a remnant has been called out to keep the commandments of God. This "remnant" announces the arrival of the judgment hour, preaches salvation through Christ, and calls out  the approach of His second advent. Every one is responcible for this worldwide evangelism... (don't you mean worldwide deception...yes the world is coming to an end but you all ain't no exclusive prophets for it)

There is a Gift of Prophecy: They believe that one of the gifts of the Spirit is prophecy. (true but just wait)...they also believe this gift is an identifying mark of the "remnant" church and was manifested in the ministry of Ellen. G. White . As the Lord's personal messenger, her writings are an authoritative source of truth which provide for the church guidance, instruction, and correction...(so the bible isn't enough? Rats.)

More about Ellen White: Although Ellen G White did not profess the title "prophet," they believe she did the work of a prophet, and more. She said: "My commission embraces the work of a prophet, but it does not end there"  "My work includes much more than this name signifies.  "If others call me by that name [prophetess], I have no controversy self as a messenger, entrusted by the Lord with messages for His people" ( um didn't Jesus do that already?)


So the church suggests:
1) their believers seek the power of the Holy Spirit to apply to their lives more fully to the inspired counsel  in the writings of Ellen G White

2) That they make increased efforts to publish and pass on these writings throughout the world.

Heck I am convinced folks...it isn't enough that the Bible gives guidelines....If Ellen White and Terry Wolfe say it, it must be so!

Not.          Read, study and show thyself approved lest no man need teach you.

With gas prices, plummeting property values,outsourcing employment, looming raises in food costs, tax hikes on the state level...as well as other economic distress...

I still think it is better to live and work in the USA than any other country in the world...

but what do you see a decade from now....a generation from now?

Will it still be great to live and work in the USA~

Ok, just for a second....

Imagine the scene...a woman caught in the act of lust,dragged thru the dirt streets,coming to rest on her hands in knees before the crowd of religious leaders who are about to make their stern stance clear to the man from Nazareth....

The law says she be stoned, what say you Jesus of Nazareth? As he leans down and writes in the dirt, he speaks,"Stone her....let he who is with out sin cast the first stone."

One by one, they put their stones down, for they were caught in their deception before the people and walked away...

But did it really change any of them?

They still walked about with their holy hands lifted up for all to admire and see, expecting the best places at the tables of powerful people because of their "position" with God...they had power because people feared their disdain and judgement...they continued to plot against the man who said, I desire mercy rather than sacrifice..Pharisees, Saduccees...self proclaimed teachers of the law, learned men of God's "chosen"

They existed then, they exist now.....we call them hypocrites....people who choose to lift themselves up higher than they ought, stoning others and insisting they are upright and holy enough to judge others..while hiding their humanity.....

How does this affect you? Do you take this blog with offense? With reflection?With question?

Post carefully....

Whether you embrace the Bible as God's holy word or not, there still lies much wisdom in it's teaching.

What scripture is your favorite?

Which one is hard for you to understand?

Which one is the hardest to live by?

Seasons in our lives come and go.. summer warmth of the soul, falls that shed tears, the coldness of winter's hard times, and the renewal of spring...

When the dormant is renewed and fresh growth springs up from the dead brush in our lives...

The soul...It is the inner part of you that endures the hardships, weathers the storms, shines and overcomes, rejoices and sings-

Just as you clear a garden and tend it...so must you tend your soul...for it grows and lives and the part of you that shines thru...

It takes the watering of sound faith, the continuous raking and stirring of it's soil to keep out life's weeds, the pruning of hardships and discovery of things about ourselves that we need to change so we can root deep and bloom....

Take time this weekend, to look at your soul...reflect...read something that inspires you, sing that song, write that poem, spend time talking to God...

Grow.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it...."

What do your children learn from you? Are they learning compassion, mercy in the way you treat others....or are they learning judgmentalism and intolerance by your lifestyle....

If children are truly sponges, and they soak up what they are around we must be mindful what we are allowing to seep out from the wells of our heart.

What do you teach them about life? And when they get older, in their teens....will you allow them to question...pursue other paths?

Tell me about your legacy- what you instill in your children about faith, matters of the soul....

Okay, change of blog here...this is too good to pass up a chance for further discussion:

Jesus Made Me Puke- An article I just read in Rollingstone magazine (May issue) written by Matt Taiibi was titled just that...about Matt's visit to a several day crusade of Phil Fortenberry...evangelist,speaker, self proclaimed demon exorcist and preacher.
I have to admit the article was not one bit astonishing when it comes to crack pot christian weiners who claim to be operating under the power of the Spirit....
And his analysis of the whole thing, could very well have come out of my own mouth....
but one sentence in the article from this guy among many that sooo moved me, is this, "the more you shout praising God, singing along with those awlful acoustical tunes, telling people how blessed you are, the more mechanical christian skin starts to grow...for a brief fleeting second, I could see how under different cirumstances it would be easy enough to bury your sinful self far under the skin of your outer christian and just to travel throughout life that way...so long as you go thru the motions, no one will care who you are underneath...and besides so long as you are going though the motions, never breaking the fascade, who are you really?"

This is a very interesting view and one that I may be chewing on for some time..

What do you all think about this?

This man sat through a charismatic service for three days, watched this man preach, cast out demons like (the demon of handwriting analysis, cancer,philosophy and luducrious other things)...watched the herds of people march along in step....then he got to be subjected to the coaching of people bent on teaching him to speak in tongues....he recites a song in Russian and they rejoice and move on to the next person...
WHERE ARE THESES PEOPLE'S MINDS?
WHERE ARE THEIR HEARTS?
Holy cow! I guess I am just baffled at the quacks out there, yet never shocked that there are so many people who choose not to believe in the Lord because of one thing:
People.

And further than that folks,the thought I am really chewing on is "Mechanical christian skin."..that still is just eating at me .....
"operating under a fascade and if kept up, no one will care who you are underneath"

He came away from an experience that changed him alright....he saw right thru so much junk and called it what it is....and what I took away from the article is deep reflection......

All I can say is may my inner self be molded by God... crack the outer shell and be REAL~

On a bright sunny Sunday morning Miss Geraldine steps out of her car into the hands of a gentle elder of the church who leads her up the country walkway into the little white church  on the corner. Her white hair captures the gold of another summer morn as she greets a mother and her children striding in from beside her...hugs, warm greetings and the smell of the pastrys for the fellowship social after church fill the hall, while the soft organ plays "what a friend we have in Jesus" from the inside of the meeting hall. It is another Sunday morning of traditional worship for this country church of 65 members and growing with every new child born into this family church....They have grown together, been through much together as the older generation has tended to the younger generation...standing beside them in their faith in tough times and in grand times. As the doors close at the start of service, Deacon Myers stands with his eyes closed, and hums the hymns echoing from the congregation...while standing at the door, just for Andy and Jan....and any others who are running a little late today.

Meanwhile, miles away the parking lot fills up in a brand new church built right off the highway exit. Deidre and Lyle hustle in to make it just in time for the quick choir practice before church while Ted herds his three young children in the doors to the bathroom, then to check into the children's church program...all the while his wife has been busy getting curriculum copied and ready for Sunday school since 8am...The door greeters bear their name tags and hand out welcome tracts and Sunday programs as Ed and Heidi step into the church for the second time....she smiles politely as she accepts the welcome tract (yet again) and they find a seat towards the back by the sound booth.

As the service opens with upbeat music and clapping, people hurry in, filtering in and out all thru the first 30 minutes of the Sunday church service. Their congregation has grown with many new families trying to fit in and fit church into their lives...they are now at their all time high of 311~

A tale of two churches...two kinds of church, two styles, two sizes....hundreds of lives......

What kind of church, would you like to find if ever you stepped in the door?

I had once written a blog, long ago about how I thought church was like Highschool. How it had it's hallway spats amongst the pew patrons,it had gossip laiden lockerrooms just as it had it's popularity circles and outcasts,scholarships available to the elite upper crust in the form of investing in their "enrichment and training" to duplicate little carbon copies of themselves....to continue to reach and teach others....

At the time, I was an ex minister's wife recovering from an awlful divorce and the church turned it back on me claiming I was not in God's will and undeserving of forgiveness. The article was my first real outside look at the man made four walls of the institution we call the Local Church.

I had stark criticism from it, but one voice did speak a little wisdom to me....that outsounded all of them...This one said, "but not all churches are that way and there are a few out there that are worth going to."

What say you bloggers? Do you go to a church? What made you want to go? What made you stay or leave?

Be kind in your words, faith comes in all shapes and sizes, just as does the stones we cast...let's share not tear.=)

A song I wrote in 2005 that may speak to someone today......=)

His Steady hands they hold me 

While upon the wheel He pressed 

Into my soul…  

Using trials to mold me 

Shaping my will into 

His own…  

I cannot see the end result 

No matter how hard I try 

He’s changing everything in me

I yield to Him and cry  

Verse “Lord, I’ve been through so much stuff 

I’m hurting, Lord…life can be so rough 

I ‘m begging you, haven’t I had enough?” 

His gentle hands remain in place 

He said, ”You’re still a pot in the rough.”  

I think I’m getting stronger 

Ready to set out on my own 

Circumstances blind my heart 

And you’re still not letting go  

I cannot fight the battles before me now 

No matter how I might try 

Your hands are still here guiding me 

I yield to you and cry

 Back to verse  

Bridge: I don’ t need to see beyond His hand,I don’t need to run to be moved 

All I need is to remain in Him,let His hands guide me through.

Chorus to fade

The Mirror
Long through out my time blogging, I have often made deep contemplations about the condition of the human spirit. Blogs about looking into the mirror and taking account of who we really are...in an effort to be the best "me" we can be.I have coined the term "being mindful of what you pen" and long have seen the effects of my penmenship...in times past I have been unfair, crass, blunt, opinionated,demeaning...my penmanship has been a reflection of my soul.A reflection, I have been trying at length to change.God, accepts us as we are, but desires that we continue to be open to change.These changes are never easy and often are life long pursuits. I am putting together, a daily column of reflections that are about my own life. Things I want to conquer, things that others may identify with, find humorous or be challenged with. I am not perfect. I am so terribly flawed that I have more than enough material to write about I came into this world like anyone else and we all have our unique purpose to fulfill here. I know now that raising my children,loving my family, caring for and accepting others, and writing blogs and songs are the top four things I have been destined to do. Anything else that I may attempt in life, just offers it flavor.
Good or bad, bitter or sweet...
We long for a destination, a map, a road to take that will lead us to a place of completion, fulfillment. For many, their spiritual journey is that "place", yet for other, their career, their family, their personal hobby or challenge of being the best at something...these things drive us to forge paths, and it is along these foot paths, we discover side roads.Sometimes the straight route may be the quickest, but we rob ourselves of the chance to experience and enrich ourselves on the journey.When you write your thoughts, you create a path of where you have been, like bread crumbs....that you can read back and reflect or remind yourself of what you feel, what you want, and where you are headed.I have in times past not been proud of the things I have done or written...but those things are reminders that I am not perfect. I am flawed and jaded.

But I am discovering myself as I write, using the words as a mirror...many times I find deep satisfaction in my thoughts I express, other times....I look into this mirror......and weep.
Within the written word
Lies the truth embedded within the text....each word paints a picture, each phrase captures a moment, each story has it's own interpretation...what we take away from the things we read, hear or experience shape us. But writing is a soul cleansing all it's own...it takes shape, breaths, moves, grows and evolves to become something much bigger than itself.
All the world, awaits the words that will identify with their heart and spirits, so they can...in ways big or small become fulfilled and found.

Just curious and no flames allowed on this thread(or I will send a flaming dodgeball your way) =)

If you had one sentence, phrase or saying that sums up the hardest of your life's lessons you've learned thus far, what would it be?

If need be, I will post this under Faith, but however, this isn't really a faith topic nor a news one...but then again, when is hardly anything now days?; )